The moment I heard Aria’s voice on the other end of the phone, the dam wall burst, and a tidal wave of emotion rushed through me, freezing my veins and I couldn’t speak. Aria’s frantic voice coming through the phone, laced with panic. Yet I couldn’t utter a word. Completely consumed by sadness. I can’t fix this, what has been done, cannot be undone. And that realisation cut deeply, bleeding my soul out of me.
“I can’t because it hurts. Just make it go away” I tell Layla. Anything to take this feeling away, anything to stop my already broken pieces from sharpening more and slicing through me.
“Let me take over, Lily” Layla spoke, her voice pained as she watched me struggle with myself. Struggle with my new reality. Struggle with everything I had been holding in. I feel her pull on the veil that separated us, letting her move forward, the darkness swallowing me and I let her. Shoving her forward as she came closer.
Everyone has a breaking point, those that say they don’t, is because they haven’t reached it yet. They don’t know the soul shattering pain of when everything weighing you down becomes too much. Everyone has a breaking point. A point when they no longer feel like it is worth the pain of living. When the weight becomes too much, where you feel like you can no longer breathe. When you no longer want to.
“Don’t think like that” Layla says listening in on my thoughts. I retreat, going to where she can’t reach me.
“Let me know when you want to come back” She says.
“I’m not coming back” I tell her as I let the darkness swallow me whole. Letting it numb me as it pulls me into the darkest parts of myself where you’re no longer conscious, where the pain is gone. I feel like I am just floating merely existing with no purpose, no thoughts to plague me, just nothing and a feeling of peace washing over me, numbing me from everything I ever knew and thought of.
I felt her slipping away, moving where not even I will go. To the part of us that is nothing but a black hole. I tried to force her back, pulling on the line leading to her, but it was like pulling on a never-ending piece of string until you get halfway through and the line snaps. Panic coursing through me when I couldn’t find her. Is this what Lily feels when she can’t reach me? I suddenly feel empty, hollow, the silence maddening. The piece of us that is her now gone, slipped into the abyss.
“Lily, Lily” I hear Aria’s voice screaming through the phone. I look at the phone in my hand, placing it to my ear. Her voice is so loud as she screams through the phone at me, making my ears hurt.
“Dad is dead, Lily is gone” I tell her, trying to make sure I articulate my words.
“Layla? Give Lily control, now” She yells. I shake my head before realising she can’t actually see me.
“Lily left, she won’t come back” I tell her.
“What do you mean, Layla?”
“Goodbye Aria” I tell her, hanging up the phone. Walking out of the room, I head downstairs. Everyone was being so loud. Hear their voices racing through my head a million miles an hour. I try to block them out with my hands until I realise it is the mind-Link. And I can feel the makings of a migraine coming on.
Maybe if we clean up and make everything better, Lily will come back. I think to myself before trying to tug on the link again, only to find nothing. Once on the bottom floor, I hear talking, Tabitha and Damien seem to be having a heated discussion. I hear Tabitha apologising about the baby not being his. Hmm, well things are already looking up.
“You hear that Lily, the pup ain’t his” I yell to her hoping she can hear me and will at least reply. She doesn’t, I try to make a mental list of shit I have to do, like Lily does. She always has lists tucked away in our head of the things she has to do or wants to do. Lists for everything, always taking up space in our head. Seriously, the girl needs to relax with the lists. Needs to just go off instinct. Things would be easier that way. Trying to remember what Lily might do in this situation. I make my list. Clean shit, fix shit, get drunk. Hmm, sounds like a list she would write in our head, but how do I do that?
This would be so much easier with Lily’s commentary telling me what to do but I can deal, just smile and be nice, don’t kill anyone except Kade. Possibly Aria, can’t believe she kept this from us. Our father would be alive if we had warning. Why was he even alive, they said he was dead? They f*cking lied to us, they always lie. I let my burning anger for Aria fester, pushing it away so I could do what I needed to do to get Lily back. Marching down the hall, I hear Tabitha ask about her mate.
“Are you f*cking joking right now, we just got attacked by rogues and you want me to release one?” Damien yells at her. I actually feel bad for her. He could be a jerk sometimes.
“Let him out, I was going to ask you, anyway. He isn’t a threat” I tell him walking into the room, I know that’s what Lily would say and want. Lily was the sort of person who would never make someone else suffer, the one that bottles everything up to hide from others, so they don’t worry about her. I really didn’t understand how after everything she wasn’t angry. I was constantly angry for her. She gets furious with Damien, though something about him rubs her the wrong way. She likes to think of herself as an independent woman, yet I know she absolutely loves the way he takes control, likes his dominant side. It turns her on, even if she won’t admit it. She hates being in charge and Damien hates not being in charge, so really it is a good mix.
Walking over to Tabitha, I want to see what this kid looks like. They always say how cute babies are and that you can tell who they look like. “It isn’t his. I am so sorry Luna; I swear I didn’t know” Tabitha says. I nod my head before stroking the baby’s hand.
The thing is cute, but I don’t know what they mean about instantly being able to tell who they look like, reminds of squishy play dough with eyeballs. Smells like its mother’s vagina. I fight the urge to growl just thinking of Damien sticking his dick in the wench that helped destroy Lily. Turning away before I do something Lily won’t forgive me for, I start cleaning.
Note to self, try to leave bodies intact for easier clean up. No wonder Lily hates when I come forward. What a bitch this is having to clean up after myself. I can feel Damien watching me. As I bend down, picking up a leg. “Layla?” He says and I feel myself get excited over hearing my name roll off his tongue. Turning, I look at him. I don’t say anything, just stare at him. Either I suck at being Lily, or he can feel the difference between us. I am actually shocked Darian didn’t try reaching me through our bond.
Damien looks concerned. Turning away, I concentrate on the task at hand, cleaning up the mess I made.