Untouchable Chapter 49

***Please tell me the truth about yourself.” – Diane Samuels*

***Neron* ***

Sometimes I find myself in these dreams.

On my knees with my hands clasped together.

I’m in a void of darkness, stars dotting and twinkling around the cosmic space. Above me shone the full moon, bright as a diamond-flame. White light projects itself upon me, dousing me in a chill. I did not falter— I remained as still as a statue, silently praying to the Moon Goddess.

All my dreams that begin like this take a terrible tumble. I was either tossed into a nightmare or the darkness, the latter not happening often. Yet I feel as though this dream would be different. My heart and soul beg for an audience with my omnipotent goddess, the silent watcher of all werewolves, rogue or not. She is merciful and kind. All I was asking is a chance to speak with her.

I shut my eyes, shielding the tears that threatened to escape. My mind was filled with images of my mate, the mate I disgracefully threw away. All I could see was her anger and abhorrence, her snarls of hatred wishing to tear my limbs apart. Her anger contorts her face into one I fear, but also one I find beautiful. Kiya was beautiful when she was angry.

But that was not what I want. I don’t want her scowls. I want her smiles. I want to be the one who makes her lips curve upward, showing off her glittering white teeth. I want to give her the happiness my pack and I took from her.

I want her to be mine.

As my thoughts run rampant of Kiya, I feel something cool brush against my cheeks. It is feather-like, so soft that it could go unnoticed in the blink of an eye. “Open your eyes, Neron.”

I did. My eyes were met with captivating grey, sparing a glance into the depths of my soul. The moonlight cast a beautiful halo around the Moon Goddess, giving her an impossibly otherworldly look. My matron Goddess, the protector of Wolfkind…

“Moon Goddess…”

“That is me.” Her smile is small, annulled of humor. “I have heard your prayers, Neron. However, I found no reason to answer them.”

My heart was shot, shot as if her words were a bullet of silver. This couldn’t be the end. Tears began to form in my eyes. I knew all along she had ignored my prayers, punishment for harming one of her many children.

Could this treatment have been stretched to the rest of my pack? How many of our prayers had she ignored?

“Moon Goddess,” I spoke. “The dark deeds of myself and my pack cannot escape your eyes. I’ve done you wrong, insulted you, and laid my hand upon one of your children. Your child, who was my destined mate.”

“Ah, yes. Kiya is her name now, isn’t it?” I nodded. “It hurts my heart to see my child cast her birth name like garbage because she wanted, desperately, to separate herself from the pain.” Her eyes darted to the side, almost reprehensible to look at me. “Why have you relinquished the destined bond I blessed you with, Neron? And now you wish for it to be repaired?”

“I am a fool. A blind fool.” I admit ruefully. “There is no excuse for what I’ve done, my Goddess. There is no reason for me to harm her as I did, but I did it. Deep in my grief, I believed that punishing a young pup for the loss of my mother and sister is retribution enough. Never did I once think about her, But I did not realize just how much I was changing her, how much karma is building up to come crashing down on me when I least expected it.”

“What you and your pack did to her is unforgivable.” There is an edge of rage in her voice that struck fear into every nerve in my body. “You’ve subjected years of abuse onto a defenseless pup. That trauma is a part of her now. It grew with her through her development, imprinting in her spirit. That part of her cannot be erased. I want nothing more but my wolves to live happy and healthy, but life is merciless. Life gives, and it takes.”

“Kiya is the mate I made for you. She is the other half of your soul, the light of your life. Instead of embracing her with open arms, you dismember her flesh her and choose another female over her, who belongs to another. Rejecting your mate is the worst crime you could do against them, and in turn, insulting me. I pair wolves up for a reason, but you didn’t want to see it back then, did you?”

Like a child given punishment, I shook my head. “N-No…..I didn’t. I realize my mistake now, Moon Goddess.”

“Neron. What is it you want?” She leans down to my eye level, striking silver gazing into my eyes.

“I want to take back my rejection,” I admit, timidly looking her in the eyes once more. “I want to make up for the time I’ve wasted. But I want the forgiveness of my mate. I want to rekindle our bond and make her my rightful Luna.”

“Then you are, indeed, a fool Neron.” The Moon Goddess sighed, shaking her head pitifully. “You cannot come to me and ask me to erase the initial rejection. Besides, have you truly learned from this experience? Do you want to take back the rejection because you feel you have to, or is it because you genuinely love her?”

I went silent. The brutality of her words hit me hard. After losing Kiya and her exoneration, I realized just how much her presence matters in the pack. When she died, everything slowly, but surely, fell apart. But then again, how much do I know about her?

Her personality is drastically different from when she was a child. I remember her younger self parading after her big sister or hanging out with us on school holidays. She was a happy, high-spirited child with a smile that could light up the world. Now, she is a strong, intelligent, and untouchable woman with enough anger to burn the territory to the ground.

I want to love Kiya. I want to know who she is now and get to know my mate as the person she is today. But only if I get that chance. She wants nothing to do with me and the rejection hurts.

But my pain is incomparable to what I’ve caused her. She had every right to want me to burn under her gaze. Odessa would always be my first love, but Kiya is who my heart truly belongs to.

The Moon Goddess gazes upon my face, eyes searching for a twitch. Sighing, she stands erect, her holy presence indescribable. “Kiya is an incredibly special woman, Neron. She has more power than anyone realizes. She is a force to be reckoned with and in time, all will know of her true strength. However, as for you, I cannot find any reason for your rejection to be reversed.”

“Moon Goddess, all I am asking is for the chance to prove myself,” I say. “When I look back at who I was before, I am sickened. I hate the monster that paraded around my home, high fiving with my fellow wolves and then beating her the next second. I don’t want to be him anymore. I want to prove to you and to Kiya that I can and will change. That I will be a better man, a better mate, and a better lover. I’d give anything to have her in my arms, to give her everything and anything she wants. After all the crap and hurt she’s been through, she deserves happiness.”

“And what if that happiness is not with you?”

I swallow painfully, not wanting to face that possibility. “Then I will accept it. I don’t deserve her, but I want to prove myself worthy to her and you.”

“It’s true that you don’t deserve her. I am a benevolent goddess Neron, but I will not hesitate to cast rightful judgment upon you and your pack for harming my precious wolf.”

I gulped in fear, wincing at the thought of a god’s punishment. It can’t be any worse than what Kiya went through under our roof. “Yes, Moon Goddess.”

“The decisions you make, and the actions that follow reflect who you are. You rejected Kiya as your rightful mate, celebrated in her misery, and chose another wolf as your lover. That defined you as a heartless, selfish man. Your inability to face the truth until Kiya made her way towards your land defines you as weak. You cannot hide from your actions from the past as they directly affected both Kiya’s future and her actions towards you. She is not a woman who forgives easily, and you are not the only one asking for it.”

That part I am aware of. After the whirlwind that caught the drift of Kiya’s identity had the pack in controlled chaos, many fearing of what repercussions would come from their actions of the past. She had every right to hate Zircon Moon, her family, and me.

“If you wish to prove yourself to both Kiya and me, you need to change your actions and make the appropriate decisions. You need to own up to what you’ve done. Trust is easily broken, but difficult to get back, and Kiya has absolutely no reason to trust you or anyone from your pack. I will not reverse the rejection because it is not my job. Second-chance mates are rare, and there is a reason Kiya does not have one. The retraction of the rejection is up to you and what you do from here on out.”

I nodded in understanding. Everything is all on me now. My Moon Goddess is right. It’s my fault that Kiya hates breathing the same air as me. It’s my fault that she would never forgive me.

But I will try as hard as I can to win her heart back.

“One more thing, Neron.” Moon Goddess spoke. “Forgiveness is not easily given. It is an arduous process. Do not expect Kiya to forgive you on a whim. It will take time, if ever. Wolves are inherently very impatient and demand things to happen instantaneously, but I am warning you. Rush, and you will lose her again.”

“What about our bond? Is it dead?”

“Kiya accepted your rejection, thus severing the bond between you both. It has been dead for many years. It is only recently you recognized her as your mate had your side of the bond revitalized. I cannot say the same for Kiya’s side. Bonds are not instantly repaired. It is like a wound; it takes time to heal. Only by committing to your goal would your efforts be fruitful. It is not guaranteed, however.”

“But I will make it work.” I rose to my feet, the flames of determination burning in my core. “I will prove myself worthy and capable, Moon Goddess.”

“Hmm. See to it that you do. But do NOT harm Kiya again. I will be watching you.”

The Moon Goddess faded into the moonlight, her final words lingering in the cosmic space. As the moon drifts farther from my reach, dimming the surrounding space, I growl to myself at my newfound goal.

I will not fail.

I couldn’t fail.

The early morning sun peeked through my curtains, kissing me awake. For once, I didn’t wake up in a cold sweat but with newfound resolve. Today embarks the long and hard journey to earning my mate back. I don’ t know if I would get her back, but at least I could say that I tried. It is better to have tried and failed than to not have tried at all.

I look to my side to see Odessa sleeping soundly. The touch that used to ignite a fire in me is now dead. I don’t crave for her anymore, as heartless as it sounds. She is a beautiful woman, but my heart no longer beats for her. Could I say I fell out of love with her? Probably. She belonged to her mate, whoever that is, not with

me.

Slipping out of bed, careful to not make noise, I quickly got dressed in front of my mirror. Faint shouts of combat and authority rang from outside of my window, poking at my curiosity. Kiya and her friends were awake, commanding the slew of soldiers to run laps around the territory. For a moment, I didn’t care about the progress of the fighters.

My eyes were on Kiya. Dressed in black and pink sporty gear, her short stature did not compensate for the power in her voice. Arms crossed in an authoritative stance; her eyes remained locked on the wolves. The sun blessed the black curls in her hair, highlighting the deep brown undertone underneath them. It kissed her melanated skin, brightening the gold in her brown.

She’s so beautiful. My heart thudded at the thought of her but soon stilled when I spotted the mark that I mercilessly cut into her right shoulder blade, the place that formally held her Zircon’s pack mark.

I cannot erase the damage I put on her body. I cannot wish that scar away. Deep regret festered in my stomach, eating away at it. That scar would forever be a reminder that I maliciously brutalized her. The old me smiled, laughed, and celebrated at it, forever damning her to a life of suffering.

But I won’t be that person anymore. I cannot.

I will be a better man. A better Alpha. A better mate.

First things first, I need to end things with the woman in my bed.


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