***When trust is broken, there is not any medicine to recover that again, as it was before, even you try hard to gain back.” – Ehsan Sehgal*
***Third Person POV***
The pain of the heat refused to leave. The firestorm of the she-wolf’s desire continued to scorch like a treacherous wildfire, pirouetting with agony. Coupled with her bleary mind, Kiya endured the suffering. The ice baths aided in lowering her temperature, but the relief lasted for minutes. No amount of ice cream quashed the deep fire in her core. Artemis suffered, writhing and whimpering. The two cannot communicate because of the sharing of pain.
The heat forbids Kiya from thinking about miscellaneous things. It wanted Kiya to focus on her mate and how much she needed him. It was true. She needed Neron. The Delta knew only the touch of her mate would solve her predicament. The pain boiled and sizzled from the tips of her toes to her head, forcing a guttural whine from her lips.
As she laid curled in a ball on her bed, Kiya momentarily thought about letting Neron in. Her desperation showed as the night grew. But she couldn’t do it. The episode at training joined with her traumatic flashbacks made her wary of the presence of a male. She trusted Galen and Darien with her life because they’ re her best friends.
However, she doesn’t trust Neron. She doesn’t trust that he would control his instincts. She doesn’t believe he’ Il resist the allure of her heat-coated scent. He’ll mate with her against her will. That part frightened Kiya more than the heat itself. What if she lets him in and he hurts her?
*Who would Kiya blame then, Neron or herself for trusting him*?
Trust. Easily broken but difficult to forge. A singular word with much weight and, ironically, fragility. Kiya’s trust was rarely given. It took months for her to trust her family and friends. Why? In the back of her mind, there was always that voice that forces her to be vigilant of the intentions of others. To warn her that everyone was out to hurt her until proven otherwise. It acts as her twisted guardian angel, planting seeds of doubt in her mind with every encounter of people.
How could she trust Neron? He hasn’t done one thing to prove that he was trustworthy. No one in Zircon Moon had besides the Dubois. How could Kiya trust in the promise he made to her, that he’ll protect her from harm?
The harm she needed protection from was him and his animalistic wolf.
Several knocks on the door knocked her out of her thoughts. Her nostrils flared at the earthy scent drifting from the door. Her desire wanted him, but her rationale rejected him. Kiya’s body, covered with a thin blanket, shook violently at Neron on the other side.
“Kiya, we need to talk.” He whispered; a palm pressed against the door. “I know you’re suffering. You shouldn’t go through this alone.”
“I can deal with this myself.” Kiya retorted, clutching the hem of her blanket. “I don’t need you, Neron!”
“Kiya, this is the one time where you do.” Neron beseeched. “Your heat will get progressively worse to the point you lose yourself to your instincts. Is that what you want to happen? To suffer until your ferality takes control?”
The woman held her breath. There was no historical evidence of a female wolf resisting the effects of her heat. It pulls her closer and closer to the ledge of insanity, and with the aid of gravity, she falls until she gets her hands on her mate. Then again, rejections were rare in werewolf history, so Kiya knew she was a special case.
Was she willing to risk going feral to keep Neron away? How long could she go without breaking? Kiya’s body desired Neron, but her mind resisted. It was too risky. Mating with him wasn’t a possibility because it meant the bond would repair. That’s the last thing she wanted.
“Kiya…?”
“I made it clear that I don’t want you anywhere near me, Neron.”
“Goddamnit Kiya, why won’t you let me help you?”
“Because I don’t fucking trust you! What’s stopping you from hurting me again, huh? You almost pounced on me like a piece of meat earlier! How long until you do it again?”
Neron expelled a heavy sigh, sliding on his knees. He knew she was right. He lost control earlier, forgoing his original promise because his instinctual brain demanded he claim her. His beast took over and wanted Kiya for himself, willing to hurt others to get what he wanted. At that moment, what *he* wanted mattered. What Kiya wanted became secondary.
That revelation shot him in the heart. His heartstrings constricted and twisted, angry at himself for putting his desires above Kiya. Kiya was right to not trust him. After all the pain he put her through, he was about to commit that same crime again. If Beta Jacqueline and her friends weren’t around to protect her, Neron would have forever damaged their trust.
“Kiya, I’m so sorry.” Neron responded, his nails digging into his palm. “You’re right. I almost hurt you again. I let my beast take over.” Onyx whimpered and moaned within him, bowing his head in burning shame. “If
I forced you to mate with me, I would never forgive myself. I’m so sorry for almost hurting you after I promised I wouldn’t.”
Kiya’s potent scent billowed through the cracks of the door. It danced across his senses, tickling every olfactory receptor in his nose. He inhaled deeply, relishing in the sweetness unmatched to anything in the world. As much as his beast wanted to spring forth, Neron kept it under control. Kiya mattered to him. He won’t let his beast hurt her.
On the other side, Kiya sat against the door, listening to his apology. Her knees were pulled tight to her chest. Despite the door separating them both, the heat quelled somewhat because of his presence. “Neron, you don’ t understand how scared I am of you. In my head, you’re still the same man who hurt me back then. I can’t let you help me because I don’t truly *know* you. Being hurt for so long doesn’t exactly make trusting easy.”
“The last thing I want you to be is afraid of me.” Neron rested his forehead against the door, ears picking up Kiya’s rapid heartbeat. It soothed him. “I don’t deserve you, Kiya. But I care about you.”
“Do you truly care about me, or is it the bond?” She asked, her voice a mere whisper. “Do you truly love me or is it the bond making you love me?”
Neron dreaded the questions. It was what the Moon Goddess asked him when he wanted to retract his rejection. However, he was confident in his answer to his goddess. He loves Kiya, and the bond helped him realize his mistakes and his actions.
“I love you, Kiya. I do.” He whispered. “And I love you to where I can’t focus on anything else until your suffering is gone. I cannot be a proper leader, or a proper man, while my other half is in pain.”
“Tell me what you need. Tell me what I could do for you. If you need me to go away… I’ll do it. Anything to make you comfortable, I’ll do it.”
What would Kiya choose? The fear maneuvered its way through her interior, griping her heart. The unknown had a level of terror far beyond comprehension. One would never know if the unknown would help or hurt them, and it applies if Kiya decides whether to allow her mate to help her.
She couldn’t allow herself to become feral, but was she willing to forgo her hatred for Neron and allow herself to be vulnerable for the sake of her wellbeing?
Will Neron keep his word? Only one way to find out.
Oh damn!!!!!!