Your boyfriend is moving out. You can’t really believe it. To you the relationship certainly had its share of challenges but you loved him and believed he loved you as well. Now, you’re watching him walk out of your home and your life. Naturally, this is going to feel like the end for you. You’re going to see it as the cut off point for any future romantic relationship with the man. It doesn’t have to be that way at all. Just because your boyfriend has decided to uproot himself, it doesn’t spell imminent disaster for your connection with him.
When your boyfriend says he’s leaving your first reaction is going to be the strongest. If you’re like most of us, that’s a mixture of pure terror and panic. It typically manifests itself through lots of tears and lots of incoherent babbling. You try and explain to him why you don’t want him to move out, but it comes across as emotional nonsense. In most cases, while this is going on, the man is standing there, stoic and emotionally barren. That just makes us feel even worse. To be overwrought and to see the man we love not reacting at all.
What you do next is really crucial to your future with him. As hard as it feels right now if your boyfriend is moving out you have to let him go. Trying to convince him to stay will create more conflict between you two and will lead to him resenting you. By refusing to allow him to leave you, you’re essentially negating his needs. You’re telling him, through your behaviour, that what he needs and wants doesn’t matter to you.
Keeping contact after he makes his move out of your home is very important. You have to do this in a very specific way though. Don’t call him every day or go over to see his new place. You don’t want to embed that mental image of his new home in your mind. It’s better to not focus on it at all.
Instead, keep contact to once a week and a phone call is best. Call him when you know he’ll be around and talk about very general things. You really need to take on more of a friend tone now than a slighted girlfriend. If you try and get him to talk about the failed relationship, he’ll stop taking your calls altogether.
Your attitude during this time is going to make or break your chances of getting him to move back in. If you’re constantly negative and depressed, he’ll feel good about his decision to leave you and there will be absolutely no reason for him to want you back.
On the other hand, if you’re always positive when you two talk and if you move forward with your life by having new experiences, he’ll be attracted to you again. If he feels that you can live without him and live well, his ego will take a hit. When a man feels that, he also experiences a renewed interest. After all, the moment you show that you no longer want or need him as much as you used to, he’ll see that losing you is a very real possibility.
Source by Gillian Reynolds